All posts tagged textures

On Friday morning a friendly German man is going to slice out a section of the roof of my mouth and sew it to a portion of my lower gum. “Eet ees not un uncommon pro-see-dyure,” he told me when we met last month. “Very seemple.”

There is a certain logic to it: the lower portion of my mouth needs more tissue, the upper portion of my mouth has tissue to spare. I appreciate the efficiency. Tissue is neither created nor destroyed, merely relocated. The real question is, what will I eat?

“You vill need to eat soft things, bland things only,” the German man said. “You vill be een pain, so, for ut least sev-er-al days. Nutting crunchy, nutting chewy, nutting spicy. Soft und bland.”

“Soft and bland,” I repeated.

“Yes,” he said. “Like feesh und spaghetti.”

Fish and spaghetti! I was so amused by this suggestion that I forgot to ask for detailed instructions (what kind of fish, and is it served on top of or alongside the spaghetti, or are they served separately at different meals?). After ruminating for several days I decided that a) yes, the fish is served with the spaghetti, all mashed up together, b) it’s probably a flaky fish like haddock or cod or possibly herring, and c) this is a traditional German post-op meal. If you know otherwise, don’t bother emailing me — the only thing keeping me from having a pre-surgery panic attack is the mental image of rosy-cheeked German children sitting in bed eating steaming bowls of mashed haddock and spaghetti.

The other thing I’ve been doing, in these last few days before the dreaded appointment, is eating as many hard, crunchy foods as I can — to wit, water chestnuts, whole raw carrots, grated raw beets, solid chunks of 90% dark chocolate, raw almonds, raw whole apples, a chicken leg (which is not crunchy per se but definitely tooth-engaging). I have also stocked up on hippie smoothie ingredients (almond milk, blueberries, kale, chia seeds, maple syrup), and I realized just now that there is a bag of brown rice pasta and a couple tins of sardines in the pantry so aside from the anxiety and general sense of not wanting this to happen, I am well-prepared. And actually, re: that last bit, they did give me a half-dozen Valium, to be served as needed the night before and then the day of the procedure. Bon appetit!