The procedure happened yesterday morning. Sadie was right, it could’ve been a lot worse (which is not to say it was pleasant). I’d never experienced Novocaine before, and it turns out Novocaine makes your heart speed up and your breath shorten, which in my world signals a panic attack, an asthma attack or both — so I began panicking and gesturing at the corner of the room, a signal for “get my inhaler out of my bag” that was completely lost on the nurse and the doctor.

Anyhow, aside from the blood and hurting and a comedy of errors involving local drugstores being out of the prescription painkillers I needed, all’s well and after a few hours of sleep I was able to eat some soft, cooled-down hot cereal with a heaping spoonful of nutritional yeast for lunch and a delicious smoothie for supper (recipe: a cup or so of almond milk, a couple tablespoons ground chia seeds, a dash of vanilla extract and a glug of maple syrup; blend well; let stand in the fridge for 10 minutes to thicken).

Eating is definitely more hassle than pleasure right now — I have thick, awkward clay blobs stuck to the roof of my mouth and my lower gum to protect the stitches, and the aforementioned painkillers make me feel marvelous but also queasy. Still, I love smoothies and puddings and homemade frozen custard-y concoctions, so I figured the next few days would be an excuse to indulge in them, until last night when I got ready for bed and read the label on the prescription anti-bacterial mouthwash I have to use for the next week.

The bottle has as much text as Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap. “What to expect when using chlorhexidine gluconate oral rinse,” it began. A long warning about tooth discoloration (??) followed, a cautionary note about “generalized allergic reactions” (?!) and then this:

Chlorhexidine gluconate oral rinse may taste bitter to some patients and can affect how foods and beverages taste. This will become less noticeable in most cases with continued use of chlorhexidine gluconate oral rinse. After treatment with chlorhexidine gluconate oral rinse has ended, taste perception will be normal.

Do not rinse with water immediately after rinsing with chlorhexidine gluconate oral rinse as this will increase the bitter aftertaste.

I rinsed with the stuff, which does indeed taste wretched, and went to bed. Five hours later I woke up, thirsty, and stumbled into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. The water tasted strange, as if it had been heated in a steel container. This morning I made myself a cup of coffee, let it cool to lukewarm per the doctor’s orders, and took a careful sip. Ahh, sour metallic tang… we meet again.

It could be a long week.